Hi, my name is Autumn, and my son’s name is Jayce.
He’s a little bit colicky, and he’s far from independent. If I had a dollar for every time I was advised to “let him cry”, to “stop worrying about him”, or to “set him down”, I’d be rich. Seriously, my favorite black sweater with a hole in the sleeve would have been replaced by an expensive one that probably would’ve had spit up stained by now, but unfortunately, I will continue to wear my trashy torn sweater, and I’ll probably keep hearing crappy advice from judgmental mothers. Don’t get me wrong, I am young and new at all of this, so advice is welcomed, but the dirty looks that tag along with know-it-all mommas is so not.
I breastfeed him, and he refuses to take a bottle (I’ve tried every brand, different people giving it to him, me being gone). Therefore, for the next couple more months I won’t be away from him for more than a couples hours at a time. He needs me, and he’s allowed to. My sweet prince spent nine months inside of me, as close as possible. Why should I just throw away the comfort it brought him when I’m here to love and hold him.
I do realize that Jayce is my responsibility. I have never pushed him off on anyone else because taking care of him is my job. If I can handle holding him and trying to soothe him, why is watching me do so. His crying is louder and angrier if I let him CIO. He cals down an falls asleep better and sooner when I soothe him.
I am young. I had a baby at 16, but why does that automatically make me irresponsible and incapable of being an amazing mother? At 17, 25, or 40 I could be one of those moms who neglects her child to get drunk…so I say so what if I’m “too attached”. I have a beautiful bond with my son, good grades in school, and my son continues to come first always.
So no, I’m not sorry that I like holding Jayce. I’m sorry that my heart breaks when I hear him cry. I’m not sorry that I want to hold him until he falls asleep. I’m not sorry that I love him. I’m not sorry that he needs me. I’m not sorry that I’m too”attached.”
Because I love holding him. I love knowing he feels secure in my arms. I love that he falls asleep best in my arms. I love him. I love that he needs me. I love being “too attached”.