Anxiety

From the time I was young, I always wanted to know every detail about everything. Maybe it was simply just anxiety that I felt the need to be prepared for everything, and I was terrified of making a fool out of myself, which has happened way more times than I’d like to admit.

I remember all those school presentations where whenever a teacher asked me a question, I’d slur my words together. I remember going to Haiti and Mexico, scared to talk to people because I knew I’d butcher their native tongue, and they’d think I was dumb. I remember the interview for my first job (which I knew I’d get because my mom worked there), but I still ended up in my mom’s office beforehand crying.

And now it’s to the point where I take charge of every situation because I’d rather be bossy than admit how nervous I really was. I’d rather discourage other people’s way of doing things than admit that I, myself was quite discouraged.

So yes, I am bossy. I am a control freak. I’d rather tell people what to do or simply just do it myself. I over-analyze every situation, and I have a long list of issues.

Maybe that’s an area that I should work on. Okay, it’s DEFINITELY an area that I should work on, but I’m proud of pushing myself. I’m proud that I do so much research that people come to me with questions about weird stuff like that.

I’m proud that I try to be the best mom I can be and do everything right, even if sometimes I only try to be so perfect because I know I’ll be judged if I don’t.

 

 

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