WARNING: This blog will probably consist of a lot of feeling bad for myself
I can’t believe how lonely I feel so often. I’m currently here alone with just Jayce, and I’m so lonely that I’m having him sleep on the couch next to me, constantly waking up just to avoid being completely alone. It’s pretty sad. I’d prefer the presence of a sleeping 6 month old, than nobody’s presence I guess.
I feel like Isaac never wants to come over. It could be that I’m always stressed and crabby as a result of having very little help. But what really scares me is that maybe he just doesn’t have a desire to see me. I think nobody really has a desire to see me anymore. I’m constantly being bailed on. People literally make plans with me and then just don’t show up, call, or text me. Like, hello? I still have feelings.
Motherhood is really, really lonely. Your baby comes first..always, and your emotional health turns to crap because you give so much of yourself. For example, I NEVER feel like I have time for myself to just regroup and not feel empty. Motherhood is emotional and draining, and sometimes I wish I could just pause motherhood for a thirty minute shower. It doesn’t work that way though. Your baby is ALWAYS on your mind. Even if you do get time for yourself, you’re thinking and worrying about your baby. You want to leave them for a break, but when you do, you miss them.
I don’t even know what brought this random amount of loneliness on, but I’m looking forward to it passing when my mom gets home. At least then I’ll have someone to talk to. Of course, by then I’ll be tired and want to go to bed. LOL!
Anyways, I’m done now. Sorry for the random rant, I just randomly felt sad and decided to rent to any of my lovely readers. So goodnight! I hope you are all feeling better than I am.