Why I’m Not Good At Being Friends With Girls

I’m just not good at being friends with girls. I want to be though, really really bad, but I’m terrible about it. I day dream about getting together with some of my girlfriends watching cheesy romantic comedies while painting our nails next to a big bowl of buttery popcorn. I want to do facials and talk about who is dating who. I want someone to be my shoulder to cry on when life is going how I imagined it would, and I want to be that shoulder for someone else too.

But no matter how hard I try to make friends with other girls…I just can’t. Either the only thing in common we have is our taste in nail polish or they are too catty. Sometimes they already have their own groups of friends, and they just aren’t looking to expand that group for a girl with a baby. What sucks the most is when I actually make an effort, and I don’t feel like it is returned.

Sometimes I meet other girls, and I feel like we actually connect with one another. We have a great time chatting, and at the end of our time together I’ll say “Hey, add me on Facebook”, and they will. That’s usually the extent of it though. They never message me, and I never message them. After that our hopeful friendship becomes nothing more than liking each other’s pictures and statuses on a social media site.

Then there are times where I’ll take it one step further. Sometimes I get up the courage to message them asking them to hang out. Usually they plan something and bail. Sometimes they follow through, and then the whole outing is just too awkward. Maybe the spark of our first meeting is just gone.

I’m probably going to sound like one of those cliche girls who says “I hang out with guys because they are less drama”, even though those are the promiscuous ones who secretly have flings with each one of those “friends” (No, I’m not judging you). But seriously, guys are less drama. It’s much easier to click with a guy who isn’t totally fixated on talking crap about that skank from science class.

Anyways, whether the reason I’m not good at being friends with girls is my trust issues, lack of courage, or awkwardness or theirs…I guess it’s still difficult. I still long for more than just “Sup?” conversations with my guy friends. I long for late night girl conversations with my best chick. Oh well though. Someday that time will come.

 

Mommy Confidence

Today I was walking into Aldi (I love Aldi) wearing Jayce in our Ergo Baby SSC. I was on a mission to get all of the groceries we needed. I had a quarter ready in hand, a comfy baby on my chest, and my cross body bag perfectly placed for easy access. This was an easy shopping trip for us. We found everything we needed and Jayce didn’t make a peep. This makes me sound like one of those moms who have the “perfect” life where everything goes great. Trust me, I’m not one of those moms though.

Every parent has their own form of “helping new moms”. As soon as someone finds out you’re having a baby, they jump on you with “tips” and their opinions. Everyone is so eager to tell you whether or not you should circumcise your son. They want to tell how important it is to breastfeed. TheyΒ want to tell you all about things because they are “experts”.

I get looks, really dirty looks. People will stare at teen mom me with a baby, and although they don’t usually say anything, I know what they’re thinking. They think I’m irresponsible. They think I have no idea what I’m doing. They feel bad for Jayce that he has such a “sucky” mom. Yes, yes…I do know that not everybody feels this way about teen moms, but way too many people do feel this way.

No matter how long you’ve been a mom and how confident you feel, someone will tell you you’re parenting wrong. I’ve felt this way far too many times.Β It even reached the point that I would feel too anxious and nervous to go out in public because I was scared someone would be rude. I would get shaky whenever an adult would start watching me. It’s like I could see them thinking “she’s not doing that right…stupid teenager”.

Anyways as I walked out of the store, I had this sassy attitude. I felt so proud of myself for doing everything right. I put all of the groceries in the trunk, brought the cart back, and then got Jayce in his car seat. All was well and all was good. This was the first time I’ve ever had this much confidence in myself and in my abilities as a mother. This was the first time since I had Jayce that I was in public and I didn’t feel anything that I mentioned above.

What this taught me was that no mom really does things perfect. As time went on I think I just quit caring. I didn’t want to fear going out in public. I don’t care if this mom thought I was doing it right or wrong. I don’t care if that mom thought that babywearing was unsafe because I’ve researched it all out. I don’t care if others are convinced that I’m a bad mom just because I’m a teenager.

I guess I just quit caring. I guess I just got confident. I got proud…proud of myself and proud of who I am as a mother.

 

Productive Moms Don’t Exist

Have you ever looked at Pintrest, Instagram, or Facebook and saw a post of a mom bragging about her done laundry, clean sink, swept floors, and sleeping baby? I have, and I’m here to tell you that I do not believe a single one of those moms.

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Productive days don’t exist, not when you’re a mom, and they definitely don’t happen in my house. My to-do list is always about 20 to-dos (if that’s the right word) long, and when one things get crossed off the list about 3 more are added to it. I have a daily goal of doing one load of dishes, one load of laundry, pumping, and keeping Jayce alive.

And luckily, I have succeeded in keeping my sweet man alive for 8 months! πŸ˜‰

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And you know what? I’m learning not to care.

Jayce is clingy, and he ALWAYS needs his Momma. I’ll leave him on the ground to play with toys. All he does is stare up at me and cry. I will glance over a sink full off dishes, an overflowing laundry basket, baby toys scattered all over the ground, and then guess what? Then I pick up my baby.

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So good for those six armed moms with clean houses and happy babies! πŸ™‚ But I know that I won’t always have a sweet little snuggly baby. Someday he’ll be all grown up. The dishes will be there as long as I leave them, but having a little boy who wants me this bad just won’t last forever.

EIGHT MONTHS OLD

Jayce is EIGHT months old…already.

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I remember the day he was born like it was yesterday. Sometimes I seriously manage to convince myself that he is ONE day old. I looked at the calendar and saw that it was the tenth. I thought “Hey, Jayce is one month older today”. We have stickers for each additional month he is older, and I almost cried when I opened the box to see a large number 8 on the sticker for today.

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Jayce can say “Yay” and “Dada”. He rolls everywhere. I seriously will leave the room for 2 minutes, and when I come back he’ll be on the other end of the living room. He’s also working on crawling πŸ™‚

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We are working on more solids, but he’s not a fan of most “food-food” except pickles and blueberries πŸ˜‰ But for now he’s mainly just a breast milk baby, and we’ll continue to slowly offer more and more solids until he comes around to the taste and texture of big kid food!

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Jayce is becoming so aware of his surroundings. He gets the biggest smile on his face whenever he sees Gipa (Grandpa), Gia (Grandma), Mommy, or Daddy.Β Jayce’s new favorite thing is animals…although Orange Guy (the cat pictured above) is not a fan of Jayce.

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My sweet little man does EVERYTHING with me. When I say everything, I mean it. He showers with me, comes potty with me, and even sleeps in the same bed as me. He’s my sweet little partner in every aspect of life, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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Jayce is the sweetest little boy I’ve ever met. He’s the best part of my day, and he’s my greatest accomplishment. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love my eight month old. I actually get worried if I’ll have enough love to give my next little baby when that time comes.

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So thank you for joining me on this journey of motherhood over the past 8 months. It’s been a beautiful one, and I love being a mommy. I will do my best to continue capturing the wonderful adventures of motherhood. πŸ™‚

If you’re interested in getting to know me even better you can follow my other blog

 

Night Weaning

So, as my son is almost 8 months old, I know that he no longer needs to eat at night. He just shouldn’t be up 5 times a night to nurse. I always just give in to his wanting to nurse at night time because it’s just so much more convenient. Nursing puts him right back to sleep. Nursing if his comfort, and nothing else comforts him that way.

That being said, I just can’t wake up so much. This may sound selfish, but I just can’t. I decided to try to night wean him. It is currently 10:07 and he laid down at 8:30. He wakes up, I’ll let him cry for a couple minutes, then I go in to get him. After I get him, I’ll snuggle him, hold him, rock him, but I won’t nurse him. He ends up falling asleep in my arms because he really is tired. So I lay him down again, but within ten minutes we’re doing the same thing. I wanted to nurse him every other time he woke up, so it’d be a slow weaning. I didn’t want anything too sudden.

I didn’t want it to be like this. I just feel defeated. I hate hearing him cry. It hurts me. I hate waking up and nursing like 37 times a night (yes that’s an exaggeration, but some nights is totally feels like that). I feel sad and tired, and I don’t know what to do for MY baby. That’s quite possibly the worst feeling in the whole world.

I’m writing this because I desperately needed ten minutes worth of distraction. I needed something to take my mind off of my baby’s crying. I feel like a terrible mom, but I don’t know what to do. I just feel awful.

I’m sorry that this blog is kinda blah, but I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Real Life Motherhood Photos

So I constantly see gorgeous pictures of new moms with skinny bodies. They are holding their new little baby. The baby is sleeping or has a sweet smile on their face. But motherhood isn’t like that, not usually at least. Motherhood is beautiful, but it’s scary, sad, and ugly too.

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Motherhood isn’t always photos like this. Motherhood isn’t a beautiful image capturing this beautiful moment because moments like this don’t happen that often.

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Motherhood is comparing your baby to other babies. Is my baby behind schedule? Do they think I’m a bad mom? are often thoughts that cross my mind.

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Motherhood is doing your best to practice proper car seat safety and still managing to screw it up. Other moms look at you like you’re an awful parent if your baby’s chest clip is 1/32 of an inch off.

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Motherhood is a screaming baby who won’t cooperate when all you want is to get the perfect 1 Month picture.

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Motherhood is cross eyed babies. Don’t worry his face didn’t get stuck like that.

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Motherhood is acne face and no makeup to cover it up.

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Motherhood is the mess of trying to co-parent with someone you don’t always agree with. It’s compromising on the stuff you really don’t want to compromise on.

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Motherhood is a little boy grabbing your phone and screaming until you give it back to him.

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Motherhood is leaving them wherever they fall asleep because there’s no freaking way that you’re going to wake up a sleeping baby.

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Motherhood is days where you don’t want to get off of the couch.

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Motherhood is nursing until your nipples bleed. The idea of giving your little one the best future takes over the pain.

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Motherhood is letting someone slobber all over your camera, just to make them happy.

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Motherhood is spending two hours taking lip stick off of your son because you thought this would be a cute Valentine’s Day picture. It so wasn’t!

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Motherhood is throwing your hair up into a bun because it’s greasy and you didn’t have time to wash it.

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Motherhood is taking the time to make homemade diaper rash cream because you don’t want your son to have loads of chemicals on his precious little booty.

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Motherhood is getting super excited about getting your son and nephew out of their coats after a walk without waking them up!

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Motherhood is spending way too much money on things your little one can’t even thank you for yet.

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So yes, motherhood is beautiful and ugly. It’s perfect and awful. It’s stretch marks and cuddles. It’s happiness and pain. Motherhood is raw. It’s everything, and I would do it all over again for moments like this.

The Guy I Had A Baby With

My boyfriend and I have plenty of issues. I’m a control freak. He’s a people pleaser. I’m always busy. He’s always missing me. I’m always crabby. He’s always tired. He’s always on his phone, and I never sit down. I’m not affectionate. Sometimes I think he’s too affectionate.

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But we are in a relationship. We fight, get mad, are too prideful. Then we kiss, we makeup, we start over. And that’s okay. No relationship can always be good, but we stay together. We work our butts off. We’re in love, and we want each other.

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Sometimes I really think our relationship is messed up. I mean, we’re only juniors in high school with a baby. We don’t live together, and we don’t talk a lot. We’re trying to juggle responsibilities, finances, while being parents under our own parent’s authority.

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We really do have some bad days, sometimes we have bad weeks or even months. It’s like we get caught up in a funk. We start getting mad at each other and hold on to grudges.

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But we always make up. When I get mad, he’ll grab me and pull me in for a hug. He’ll hold my hand when I feel insecure. He’ll call me beautiful when I was carrying extra baby weight. He loves me so deeply.

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So when we’re having a bad day, something always reminds me of the love I have within my wonderful Isaac. Sometimes that reminder is Facebook drama, a cute picture of us, or just staring at my sweet baby boy…and I’m reminded that maybe my situation really isn’t that terrible.

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Maybe our relationship is actually the normal one…with a baby and all.

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And I feel so blessed having this guy as my boyfriend and as a wonderful father to our baby boy!

SEVEN MONTHS OLD

Guess who is SEVEN months old today? Yes, Jayce.

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Oh my goodness! He’s getting cute, but I guess I am a little biased. πŸ˜‰ I swear when I went to go get the sticker for today, knowing that it’s the 10th, I did a double take when I saw “7 months”

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I was like “what happened to the stickers for 3,4,5, and 6 months?”, and then it hit me…my baby really is 7 months. I’m overwhelmed with joy and sadness all at the same time.

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Anyways, Jayce can roll over both ways. He’s getting better and better at sitting up unassisted too. He starting to figure out how to get up on his hands and knees in preparation to crawl.

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We began BLW (learn about it here). He’s tried avocado and banana, and wasn’t thrilled about either. He loves baths (o anything) with mommy, nursing and kisses. He hates tummy still and is not into cuddles.

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He’s my best friend, my partner in crime, my Monkey Jo, and my not so little anymore seven month old. I’m thankful for everyday that I’ve been his mommy, and I wouldn’t change having him for the world.

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My life has gotten richer since his arrival, and I love him. I’m sure the months and years to come will enrich my life just as much as they have already been enriched.

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So here’s to seven months, over half of a year, the best days of my life. Here’s to my baby.

 

All About My First (And Only) Baby

So I saw this cute “All About Your First Baby” question & answer post on Facebook, and I thought it would be fun to share with all of you. It’ll help you get to know my little man and I a little better πŸ™‚

All about your first born!

1. Was your first pregnancy planned? No

2. Were you married? No

3. What was your reaction to finding out? Initially I was scared (especially to tell my family).

4. Were you induced? No, thank God! I actually started having contractions about 9 days before my due date.

5. How old were you? 16 (Yes, that is young)

6. Who did you first tell? I told Isaac (my baby’s dad/my boyfriend) first. We both were worried I was.

7. How did you find out? I took a home pregnancy test…in Wal-Mart.

8. Did you want to find out the sex? Β Yes πŸ™‚ I was too impatient to wait.

9. Due Date? September 17th, 2015

10. Did you deliver early or late? Exactly one week early πŸ™‚

11. Did you have morning sickness? I only threw up a few times (sorry if that’s TMI), but I felt nauseous ALL THE TIME.

12. What did you crave? Milkshakes and Sour Skittles (I love both even when I’m not pregnant though)

13. How many pounds did you gain from your pregnancy? 38 (obviously having a job that gave me free, greasy food didn’t help my 30 lb. or under goal) πŸ˜‰

14. What was the sex of the baby? A sweet baby boy

15. Did you have any complications during labor? Not too much other than Jayce’s head was turned weird, resulting in me getting stuck at 6 cm …I wasn’t pleased when I got checked seven hours later, and I was still only 6 cm dilated.

16. Where did you give birth? ThedaCare

17. How many hours were you in labor? over 40.

18. How much did your baby weigh? 6 lb and 5 oz.

19. What did you name him/her? Jayce Braxton Olson

20. How old is your first born today? He will be seven months old tomorrow. It went by way too fast.

Thanks for letting me share πŸ™‚

A New Routine Means Less Sleep For Me

This is a little bit of a rant. It’s okay to do that, right?!

Jayce and I had a pretty good bedtime routine. I’d getting him ready for bed by putting comfy PJs on him, loading him up with my Gentle Baby Lotion, rubbing Cedarwood on the bottom of his feet. I’d even have the diffuser set up in our bedroom with Gentle Baby, Lavender, or Cedarwood. At 7:00 or 7:30, I’d feed him, and he would pass out eating. This system seemed great, and it bought me a couple hours of school work, laundry, or me time (although me time is way too rare).

But that system seems to have died. 😦 I still try to do the same thing, but he’ll pass out at 7:00 or 7:30, and you better bet that he’s up by 8:00 (yes, a half an hour later), and he wants to play! I’m not a fan of CIO, so I do go in to comfort him right away. He’s not even crabby, so at least I don’t have to worry about that. But the whole not getting anything done does worry me!

Thankfully, my parents have been taking him, so I can get some stuff done. I just feel bad doing that to them every night! And by 9:00 or 9:30 he’s ready for bed anyways! The thing is that I’m ready for bed by 10:00, and I’ll feel way too guilty going to bed if I didn’t get enough day.

Anyways, the moral of the story is that babies are unpredictable, and sometimes you’ve just gotta go with the flow! Oh well, thank you for listening to my little rant. πŸ™‚